


Of Mere Stupidity

by MagicAlpha



Category: Zootopia (2016)
Genre: Absurd, Breaking the Fourth Wall, Crazy, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Ridiculous, Silly, Stupidity, What Was I Thinking?, Why Did I Write This?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-29
Updated: 2019-03-29
Packaged: 2019-12-26 02:07:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,845
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18273626
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MagicAlpha/pseuds/MagicAlpha
Summary: Not every story has to be a big tale, full wonder and enthusiasm. Sometimes, depending on whatever it may be, they can consist of nothing but craziness and ridiculousness that the mind is beyond comprehending. This is where those types of stories belong.Sometimes an utterly idiotic idea or two for some crazy story will pop into my head, and this is where I'll be writing those out for... entertainment?





	Of Mere Stupidity

_Beep! Beep Be-_

Judy turned her alarm clock off and pulled herself out of bed, getting ready for yet another of duty over at ZPD. Things were going along as usual, and were currently making a lot of sense. She got herself some breakfast that she on hand and put on her uniform, and then went over to look out the window at the city as she usually did. Everything was normal.

However, it was within that moment that things stopped making sense.

Firstly, not a peep came from her next-door neighbors, Bucky and Pronk, and that was weird because they were _always_ shouting about _something_. Secondly, when she was leaving her complex of dumps that passed off as apartments, the armadillo who was always there wasn't around.

 _Just a coincidence,_ she thought. _It's not like mammals are just disappearing all around the city or somethin'._

Lucky for her, Nick's new place was only a good walk away from she was now. When she knocked on his door, the fox came out happily to greet her.

"Carrots!"

"Oh, thank goodness you didn't disappear, too."

Nick looked at Judy confused. "What are you talkin' about?"

"You don't think that things seem a little off?"

"In what way, Carrots?"

"You don't think that things are awfully quite this morning? And also, did you call me Carrots twice already in one conversation?"

"Sorry, Carrots, it's a terrible habit. But yeah, it is pretty quiet, now that you mention it. Normally by now the mammals living on the floor above me are getting ready for the day. And trust me, they are noisy as-"

Commotion started to stir outside, and that's when things _seriously_ stopped making sense for the two of them. The faint sounds coming from mammals on the city streets could be heard, and it seemed like they were shouting about something they couldn't identify.

"What the heck's going on?" Judy said, concerned.

"Probably just another day in Zootopia," Nick said. "Now let's see what's on the news real quick."

Nick turned on the television, and the news was what happened to be on the screen.

"An unexplainable phenomenon is having many mammals across Zootopia scratching their heads," the snow leopard reporter on the TV reported. "With no scientific explanation for it, mammals of all kinds are appearing to vanish without any trace. A small amount of reports have been-"

Nick shut the television off and shook his head. "The local news is always tryin' to scare you, isn't it? Now then, let's head outside."

As they walked down, the sounds of the commotion on the streets got closer and closer. Upon opening the door and walking out, they saw mammals running the other direction from something presumably frightening.

And frightening it was!

Looking to the left, they saw with their own eyes something both amazing and utterly horrifying.

It was something that was out of the craziest dreams.

It was something they thought wasn't even possible, or at least possible in this current timeline.

It was something that would have those crazy mammals on those doomsday preparation shows putting on their tin-foil hats and running to their bunkers for safety.

Nick's jaw dropped, and the pawpsicle that he had in his paw hit the ground. Judy stood motionless, looking at the havoc to the left of her.

To the left of her, it was like a gigantic black hole had opened up right in the middle of Zootopia was sucking everyone and everything up.

Well, that _was_ kinda what it was, so whatever.

The left side of the street had a giant, spinning black vortex in the middle of the sky, circling against nothing but whiteness. Mammals kept sprinting forward as notable buildings just started to completely vanish into thin air like they were nothing.

"Run," Nick and Judy said in unison.

"We gotta get to the ZPD!" Judy said afterwards.

The two started darting to the Precinct as fast they could.

The doe stayed focused in the midst of the chaos, or whatever it the name of the gods was happening. "Don't look back, Nick," she issued.

The fox turned his head around, yelped and kept running.

"What the heck, Nick, I said _don't_ look back!"

"Well what did you think I was gonna do, Fluff?"

As they darted forward, they spotted a familiar otter dressed in a green shirt walking down the street completely unaware.

"Mr. Otterton," Nick said. "What are you doing here?"

The otter looked over at the fox. "Eh, just a brief cameo," he said.

"Well don't, you need to get to safety!"

"What are you-" The otter looked at the vortex in the sky that had opened even more. The amount it was taking in had spread further down the streets. "Oh sh-"

But he couldn't finish before completely disappearing, too.

They finally made it into the Precinct. Judy rushed up to the front desk to the cheetah working there.

"Hopps! Wilde!" a voice to the side of them all boomed.

Chief Bogo came running in, but mysteriously disappeared into thin air without any reason to.

"Well, Chief Buffalo Butt's gone," Nick said with a smirk. "That's what I call good riddance."

"What the-" Judy stuttered. "But this building isn't even in all of that stuff. How the heck did he just vanish like that? Something weird's goin' on around here."

"Thanks, Captain Obvious."

Judy turned to the cheetah at the front desk again. "Clawhauser, we need to get down to whoever's causing all of this ruckus."

"Alright," the portly cheetah murmured, munching on a frosted doughnut. "Just me finish this doughnut first"

"Uh, C-Carrots?" Nick interrupted. "I think I got an idea of where the source of the problem is."

They looked out the window. On the other side of them was a small building, a huge white beam of light shining down upon it like it was part of alien abduction from one of those cheesy sci-fi movies.

"Oh, that stands to reason," Judy said, surprisingly calm. Turning around to he partner, she went back to being panicked. "WE NEED TO GET DOWN THERE, AND FAST!"

"Right behind you!"

The two darted to the building, using passed the crowds of running mammals and trying not get trampled. Finally, they came across the building, that looked abandoned up close. A sign made out of cardboard was on top it, blowing around. The words "Totally Not An Evil Lair" written on it.

They banged the door open and stepped inside. "ZPD!" Judy hollered. "Paws where I can see them!"

"And what would be the charges?" a deep voice called, obviously being disguised by a voice changer of some sort.

"Oh, I dunno, maybe destroying the _freakin'_ city!" Judy said.

"Woah," Nick breathed. "Calm down, Fluff, that shouting seems completely out of character for you."

"What does that even mean?"

"Come on, you don't think that we're all part of some terrible and ridiculous story that someone's writing about us?"

"If any of that is even true," Judy replied, "than I feel pretty bad for whoever's reading about us right now."

"How did you find me?" the mysterious voice called out.

"Next time, don't put out a suspecting sign on top of your building," Nick said. "That kinda gave it away."

"Damn," the deep voice muttered, "I shoulda known better than to do that."

The figure walked out into the light, turning off the voice changer. A buck with black stripes upon him walked out into the light.

"Jack?" Judy said, her jaw dropping to the floor.

"You know this rabbit?" Nick asked.

Judy shrugged his shoulders and sagged her head. "Yeah, we knew each other at one point." She turned to the buck. "Why are you doing this, Jack? This completely _ludicrous_!"

"It's called revenge for a reason, darling," Jack said sinisterly. "But I couldn't have created this disaster if it weren't for this."

Jack pulled out a heavy, black typewriter with paper still placed in it.

"With what?" Nick said. "Some keyboard from prehistoric times?"

"No, idiot!" Jack exclaimed. "This typewriter has been gifted with some uncanny abilities. Whatever I write, no matter how crazy or absurd it is, comes to life."

"So _that's_ why things just suddenly got crazy around the city for no reason," Judy replied, finally figuring things out.

"It meant selling my soul, but now I have this typewriter in my paws. Nothing can stop me now!"

"You seriously sold your soul for some clunky old typewriter?" Nick said. "That's desperate, dude. Desperate."

"Don't act like you wouldn't have done the same thing, fox! You've never been in my shoes."

"You're not even wearing shoes," Nick said. "In fact, none of us are. We're all walking around barepaw, for your informa-"

"Shoes got nothing to do with this!"

"And, Jack, you're also aware that you literally just confessed to everything in front of two officers, right?" Judy said.

"It doesn't matter! When I type out the rest of this destruction, I'll end up writing a new world. One where you and I together, and where you're not with this fox."

"CARROTS!" Nick exclaimed. "Carrots, you gotta do something! I don't wanna lose you because of this crazy buck. Who else is gonna have amethyst eyes that are as beautiful as yours?"

Judy started tearing up ridiculously. "And who would be there to greet with emerald eyes like yours?"

"'Oh, how I love you!'" Jack imitated Judy in mockery. He let out a completely evil laugh. "How very touching, and how cute, too."

"Oh, you said it," Nick remarked.

"Said what?" the buck said.

Judy made a wide grin, an anime-style expression of anger taking shape of her muzzle. "DON'T CALL ME CUTE!" she shouted, knocking Jack to the ground and throwing the typewriter fiercely to the ground.

The typewriter crashed and broke off into a few fragments. Jack suddenly started to fade away from his paws up. "No!" he exclaimed. "This can't be happening!"

"What's going on, exactly?" Nick said, just standing there as he watched from the sidelines.

"It's the consequences of soul selling!" the buck shouted. "If the typewriter goes, I go, too!"

Jack completely faded until he was now longer in the room.

Nick shook his head with widened eyes. "Okay," he said, "that was _beyond_ twisted."

"Just glad it's all over, Slick," Judy said.

The two looked outside, noticing everything had went back to normal. All of the chaos was gone, and everyone was peaceful and back to their usual business. The buildings were all where they used to be, and a beautiful rainbow filled the sky.

"Looks like are work here is done, Carrots," Nick said.

"You seriously need to find a new nickname for me," Judy replied.

From that moment on, the day was extremely pleasant. The two walked back out into the streets, emerald eyes gazing into amethyst eyes and vice versa. The days that followed were full of happiness, and Nick and Judy ended up getting married and everyone in Zootopia lived happily ever after.

The End(?)

**Author's Note:**

> It had been in my head to do something ridiculous and intentionally silly like this for awhile now, and this felt like a good time to do just that. I'll probably be looking back at this one day and regret it immensely. *looks at what's written and cringes heavily*
> 
> Now before an angry mob comes after me with their pitchforks, I need to say one thing: Please do not take this completely serious, everybody, as this was intentionally meant to be a crazy and mindless story. This is nothing but mindlessness at its finest, and basically was typed out onto the page without even taking a moment to relook at things.
> 
> I apologize to everybody who wasted a portion of their brain reading this garbage that spawned from me. I know this was completely stupid, but I wash my paws of this atrocity! XD
> 
> Another thing that I'll admit inspired this was Gravity Falls. When I saw the Weirdmageddon parts of that show when they came into play, the levels of imagination were just crazy and everything was just... well, weird. But in a good way, I mean that.
> 
> I'd normally ask for your thoughts, but this time it's a little bit different. And by a little bit, I mean a lot! This wasn't exactly meant to entertain. It was just to get a couple of people to be like, "What the heck am I reading?"
> 
> If that's what you thought, then I'd say that my work here is done!
> 
> 'Til next time!


End file.
